Wedding Crashers Rulebook!
Rule # 1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take
care of their own.
Rule # 2 - Never use your real name.
Rule # 3 - Never confess.
Rule # 4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule # 5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow
Rule # 6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention
in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own
Rule # 7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule # 8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule # 9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule # 10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule # 11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule # 12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule # 13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule # 14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule # 15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule # 16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule # 17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule # 18 - You love animals and children.
Rule # 19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native
language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule # 20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule # 21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule # 22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal.
Period. No overtime.
Rule # 23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided
there's enough women to go around.
Rule # 24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule # 25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what
Rule # 26 - Of course you love her.
Rule # 27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order
Rule # 28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule # 29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little
help now and again.
Rule # 30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule # 31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow
Rule # 32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely
sure that they have a pulse.
Rule # 33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule # 34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule # 35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule # 36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule # 37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A
drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule # 38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the
Rule # 39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule # 40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will
think you're "sweet."
Rule # 41 - If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals.
You'll never have to buy a drink.
Rule # 42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having
Rule # 43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close
enough to the wedding party to seem like you're an invited
guest. Never sit in
the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule # 44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful
experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But
Rule # 45 - Always remember your fake name!
Rule # 46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't
sully them by "improvising."
Rule # 47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to
Rule # 48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know
you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible
or the death of your fiancé.
Rule # 49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have
tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule # 50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule # 51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule # 52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love
to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter
Rule # 53 - Get choked up during the service. The girls will
think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial
Rule # 54 - Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
Rule # 55 - If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle
John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule # 56 - Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rule # 57 - When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact -
merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and
Rule # 58 - The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule # 59 - If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the
crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule # 60 - No "chicken dancing" - no exceptions.
Rule # 61 - When crashing out of state, request permission from
the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule # 62 - No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your
game gets sloppy.
Rule # 63 - Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy
opens more legs than charm.
Rule # 64 - Always save room for cake.
Rule # 65 - When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is
Rule # 66 - Smile! You're having the time of your life.
Rule # 67 - Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with
the haunted past.
Rule # 68 - Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
Rule # 69 - No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair
Rule # 70 - Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off.
Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my
Rule # 71 - Research, research, research the wedding party. And
when you are done researching, research some more.
Rule # 72 - Studies have shown that women have a more developed
sense of smell. Breath mints - small cost, big yield.
Rule # 73 - Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a
Rule # 74 - In case of emergency, refer to the rulebook.
Rule # 75 - Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it
Rule # 76 - No excuses. Play like a champion.
Rule # 77 - Carry extra protection.
Rule # 78 - The unmarried female rabbi - is she fair game? Of
course she is.
Rule # 79 - The tables furthest from the kitchen always get
Rule # 80 - Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
Rule # 81 - Occasionally bring a gift - you're getting sex
without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
Rule # 82 - Always think ahead but always stay in the moment.
Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you
also get peace of mind.
Rule # 83 - Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His
parents may start to ask questions.
Rule # 84 - Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may
recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule # 85 - Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not
cool, not effective.
Rule # 86 - Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule # 87 - Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to
Rule # 88 - You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule # 89 - Know something about the place you say you are from.
Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems
Rule # 90 - Of course you dream of one day having children.
Rule # 91 - Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long
past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every
wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how...
Rule # 92 - Tell the bride's friends and family that you are
family of the groom and vice-versa.
Rule # 93 - Only take one car. You never know when you'll need
to make a fast escape.
Rule # 94 - Deep down, most people hate themselves. This
knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule # 95 - Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means
Rule # 96 - Etiquette isn't old-fashioned. It's sexy.
Rule # 97 - Catholic weddings - the classic dilemma: painfully
long ceremony - horny girls.
Rule # 98 - The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing
form. Choose carefully.
Rule # 99 - Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
Rule # 100 - Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
Rule # 101 - Avoid women who were psychology majors in college.
Rule # 102 - No periwinkle colored ties, please.
Rule # 103 - The older the better, the younger the better (see
Rule # 21)
Rule # 104 - Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule # 105 - Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an
invited guest - okay.
Rule # 106 - Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the
Rule # 107 - Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
Rule # 108 - Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to
get twisted around.
Rule # 109 - Always carry an assortment of place cards to match
any wedding design.
Rule # 110 - Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal
skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
Rule # 111 - Never have sex with bride or groom's mother even if
she is the hottest bombshell at the wedding. Just control
Rule # 112 - Have FUN! That's why you're there.
Rule # 113 - Don't look for opportunities; make them.
Rule # 114 - 3-4 months to wedding crash--funerals are year
Rule # 115 - Never walk away from a crasher in a funny
jacket...rule number one hundred and fifteen.
(The rule that Jeremy makes up to insult John)
Rule # 116 - Dance with the flower girl
here for a printable version of the Wedding Crashers Rulebook
If you have your own Wedding
Crashers Rule and want to send it to us, please email us at
firstname.lastname@example.org and we will add it to the bottom
and give you credit!